Yogic Principles-8 Limbs and Heart Center

Yoga Philosophy is 8 Limbs of Discipline and Practice

Yama (Yamah)-To be without desires is the essence of yama in relation to ourselves and how we interact with the world. These principle guidelines are required for a life of spiritual attainment in yoga. To rise above the primitive human nature of basic survival, to abstain from sexual indulgence and alleviation of greed from an inherent sense of lack or false belief of a scarcity of resources. Observance of the 5 yamas will reduce mental and emotional suffering with the elimination of desire.

• Ahimsa-Non-violence, not harming, non judgment

• Satya-Living in Truth, not falseness, not lying

• Asteya-Non-stealing, not coveting

• Aparigraha-Non-materialism, modesty in possessions

• Bramacharya-Chastity, sexual continance

Niyamas-The moral and spiritual values of yoga which must be practiced as a lifestyle to cultivate integrity of character of relieve suffering of mind. These 5 represent fundamentals of the spiritual practice.

• Sauca-Cleanliness and purity within through the mind, breath (pranayama) and externally in sanitation of the body

• Santosa-Contentment within Self, satisfaction with what is in this moment, no desire

• Tapas-Spiritual pursuit and discipline in practice of yoga

• Svadyaya-Study of self, Self realization through spiritual study, self relflection without ego identification

• Isvara pranidhana-Devotion and surrender to Source (God)

Asana-The physical movements, seated positions and postures, skeletal aligning and muscle strengthening to provide balance and integrity of the body. When asana is perfected it results in effortless repose while in posture and life force is stimulated.

Pranayama-Awareness of breath with elongation, retention, and control to stimulate the vital force energy (Shakti). To develop control of breath is to master vitality; we understand life force is what animates our physical form.

Pratyahara-Development of awareness of sensory perception to master the withdrawal of the senses in preparation for meditation.

Dharana-Devlopment focus, concentration in preparation for meditation.

Dhyana-Meditation, stillness in absence of thoughts. Transcending the mind-lessness of self created suffering through the illusion of the past or focus on the future. To truly Be in presence for life.

Samadhi/Yoga-Divine union with Source, God, Universal energies. The transmutation from physical form to formless energy with complete absorption in transcendance.

Yoga is movement of the body, awareness of the breath, stillness of the mind. Yoga is concentration, meditation, cultivation of moral values and structured discipline in life. Yoga is creating shapes with the body that facilitate muscle strength and length, joint mobility, and breathing for blood oxygenation while building resilience through, and then transcendance of, discomfort. Yoga is the practice of setting intentions to create a life of joy with the release of mental and emotional suffering and turmoil. Yoga is unifying with all that is energetically while maintaining the physical body in optimal health and the mind in balance.

In its truest form yoga teaches practitioners to withdraw from the senses and to release attachment from the fluctuation of emotions. Yoga at its core requires the dissolution of ego, letting go of the “me” identity and settling into the “we” of universal consciousness. Though a concentrated, disciplined practice we recognize ourselves as energetic bodies, rather than a physical makeup of parts, to develop a greater sense of “oneness” with the perfection of creation. Energy has no limits or form and yoga is by its very nature an energetic practice. To follow yoga principles and practice is a spiritual pursuit with the intention to become less separate as an individual and to begin to transmute from the bondage of the physical to the cosmic energy of Source.

Here lies the truth of yoga, as a unifying practice, as a holistic endeavor to become one with all that exists, through physical discipline and breath, in mental and emotional freedom, with spiritual faith, and always coming back to the heart in Love.

Yoga as a spiritual practice is the development of the self.

Managing Chronic Pain and Stress with Yoga

Chronic pain, defined as pain which lasts longer than three months and is classified as a disease itself, is a major medical concern for aging Americans. Past injuries, surgeries, physical disabilities, chronic disease, and even a sedentary lifestyle can result in chronic pain and/or inflammation. Living in frequent pain can be a stress inducer, and in contrast, mental stress can increase the experience of physical pain. Many methods of treatment can influence the perception of chronic pain, and as many physicians now know, practicing yoga on a regular basis can alleviate the severity and potentially eliminate it. 

Western medicine offers a variety of options for chronic pain and stress management through pharmaceutical drug prescriptions. Common prescriptions include Opioids, or more accessible over-the-counter drugs like NSAIDS (non steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs like Ibuprofen, Aspirin, and Naproxen sodium) to reduce the symptoms of pain, or to temporarily reduce inflammation; however, pain reduction from drug use does not improve or ”cure” the condition that causes chronic pain. The danger of using pharmaceutical drugs for pain relief is a long term cost, which is much higher than what you initially pay for at the pharmacy, and are referred to as “side effects”. Unfortunately the term “side effect” doesn’t impart what can be serious, and often permanent, damage to the body with sometimes fatal consequences.. “Oral non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) have established gastrointestinal, cardiovascular, and renal risks…” while Opiates put patients at risk for substance abuse in addition to their common side effects. Anti depressant and anti-anxiety drugs are also extremely detrimental to overall health and can be quite dangerous, with so called “side effects” resulting in suicidal tendencies and other behavioral distortions. 

In contrast, one of the most effective methods of natural and beneficial pain relief comes from within the body itself. Through physical movement, either short intense intervals or prolonged, gentle activity, the body can produce its own (endogenous) pain relief through the release of endorphin and dopamine neurotransmitters, reducing chronic pain both during and after exercise. Endogenous endorphins block perception of pain, while dopamine produces mood enhancement that can alleviate the experience of chronic pain. These neurotransmitters do not cure disease, but with consistent physical activity, pain can be alleviated and conditions that cause pain can be improved, and even resolved, by reducing chronic inflammation while building strength in muscles, improving mobility of joints, and increasing density of bone.

So where does yoga come into the picture? It’s now common for doctors and physical therapists to recommend yoga as a treatment for chronic pain and inflammation. Studies demonstrate the effectiveness of yoga to reduce inflammation, improve joint mobility, and build muscle strength through low impact physical movement.

Breath is integral to the function of yoga. Slower, deeper breath patterns lower the heart rate and decompress the central nervous system leading to perceived relaxation and reduction of stress in addition to many more physiological health benefits. A study published by the Hunter Pain Clinic in Australia states “Investigations into the physiological effects of slow breathing have uncovered significant effects on the respiratory, cardiovascular, cardiorespiratory and autonomic nervous systems.“

Performing yoga asana (the physical aspects of yoga) includes prolonged holding of postures and transitioning from one pose to another. Both of these aspects of a physical yoga practice increase the cardiorespiratory process. Yoga asana builds strength while lengthening muscles and increasing joint mobility through repetitive deep flexion and extension of the musculoskeletal system.

In addition to the physical benefits of yoga, there are the mental and emotional aspects which aid in reduction of stress and alleviating physical pain. A daily or even just twice weekly physical yoga practice along with daily meditation can have significant long term benefits for the practitioner.

The meditative and philosophical aspects of yoga fundamentally change how a person responds to stressful situations and can offer a holistic approach to navigating challenges in life while maintaining balance of body and mind. Yoga cultivates a deeper sense of gratitude and overall well being through increased self awareness and presence of the current moment. This enhanced appreciation of life offers a sense of well being and an ability to maintain harmony in relationships, with others and with the self.

1 Reid MC, Eccleston C, Pillemer K. Management of chronic pain in older adults. BMJ. 2015 Feb 13;350:h532. doi: 10.1136/bmj.h532. PMID: 25680884; PMCID: PMC4707527.

2 Russo MA, Santarelli DM, O'Rourke D. The physiological effects of slow breathing in the healthy human. Breathe (Sheff). 2017 Dec;13(4):298-309. doi: 10.1183/20734735.009817. PMID: 29209423; PMCID: PMC5709795.

This article by Kat Severi was originally published as a monthly column piece for Vernonia’ s Voice, a small town newspaper located in Vernonia, Oregon

Discipline Leads to Bliss

The word “discipline” has the connotation of work. It also can bring up thoughts of reprimand or punishment from an authority. The official definition from Oxford states “the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.” Discipline can convey structure and rules but can it also be an entry point into a bliss state?

Regarding yoga, to develop a “discipline” is the act of returning to the “practice” everyday.
You may think that everyday may be a bit hard core when it comes to practicing yoga, but if you think of yoga as meditation and a mindset rather than just a physical activity it may not seem out of reach. In reality yoga, as it pertains to meditation, develops control of the mind and the building of awareness. This process is known as “mindfulness” in the spiritual community, and when practiced correctly, yoga teaches us to develop a discipline of healthy habitual exercises physically, mentally, and emotionally. You can think of it as strengthening the core on both a muscular and a spiritual level. In a yoga practice we work to become more aware, to become more present for our lives rather than being caught up with the past, which has already passed, or in the future, which is guaranteed to arrive differently than we can imagine. Thoughts are powerful drivers of emotion and so the less emotionally involved with our thinking mind, or shall I say, the less we engage in “mindless thinking”, the more we can come into our lives in the present moment, right here and now. Living simply for the present moment allows us to be gratified throughout our day without all the expectations and judgements that normally create emotional dissatisfaction.

To be clear, this type of disciplined behavior and control of thoughts takes regular practice to master. Yoga brings to the lives of committed individuals a lifelong journey into awareness of the unconscious mind (some call this the “subconscious”) so to maximize control of the emotional state. To build “awareness” is to shift from the typical conscious mind with its reaction and response behavior to an increase in consciousness which allows for controlled action and measured response. In essence, the discipline of yoga allows the practitioner to be less attached to outcomes, less expectant of others, and more balanced emotionally in all aspects of their lives. Becoming more flexible in the mind allows for the reduction of discrimination in the form of judgements and an increase of acceptance regardless of the circumstances. To develop a yoga mind is to build emotional control as a core strength.

Yoga as a self development practice eliminates the confines of identity that we inherently bind ourselves to throughout our lives. To “identify” with a personality type is imprisonment within the parameters that either we’ve created for ourselves or have bought into from other peoples judgement of us. The discipline of a mindfulness practice allows us the deconstruction of the confines of self identification and who we “think” we are, or should be, so we can simply just “Be”. When we are free to just be a human with a set of strong values we can finally live in truth, essentially breaking out of the lifetime of labeling. To realize that the thoughts and stories which come into the mind can cause emotional upset is to begin to untangle from them, to stop identifying with the repetitious cycles of negative imprisonment and to interrupt those thoughts quickly before they affect the emotional state.

With discipline we can control our minds and cultivate conscious awareness. In place of judgement and criticism we can develop a mind that is open, positive, and free from emotional imbalance and upset. To navigate towards the lighter aspects of our selves we can begin to

“be” more kind, more loving, and more accepting. The discipline of yoga cultivates a joyful life path and allows us to live in contentment, appreciation and with the experience of gratitude. Developing a yoga mind takes discipline as does building a strong, energetic body. To create this balance and harmony in ourselves ultimately leads us to a blissful life.

This article by Kat Severi was originally published as a monthly column piece for Vernonia’ s Voice, a small town newspaper located in Vernonia, Oregon

Chronic Disease in Millennials Promises Future Hardship for All Americans

It’s interesting to consider the process of aging in the context of longevity and to ask ourselves how we can aspire to live longer lives while maintaining our best physical health, mental clarity, and the highest level of emotional contentment. The unfortunate truth is that in the year 2023, as the Baby Boomer generation ages they are indeed living longer, but the quality of life of the average older American is far from healthy. At least 95% of people over 60 years are living with at least one chronic disease, and over 80% are living with more than 2 chronic diseases such as Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, and cancer. That may be disturbing statistic but even more alarming is the health status of the Millennial generation, babies born between 1981-1996, which is now considerably worse than their Gen X parents had at the same age. 

In the United States people under the age of 40 are now suffering with a variety of chronic diseases usually afflicting older generations, with over 50% of the so called “Millennial generation” having at least one chronic disease and over 20% suffering with two or more. Despite being the most educated generation ever and the bulk of the American workforce, an article published in 2019 by Blue Cross Blue Shield  explains that major chronic diseases such as heart disease, hypertension, and Type 2 diabetes are widely affecting almost half of Millennials, with depression, substance abuse, and hyperactivity being a major concerns in the mental health status of that adult population.

“Between 2014 and 2017 alone, prevalence of major depression and hyperactivity among millennials was up roughly 30%. What’s more, according to the CDC, accidental deaths, which include overdoses, and suicides were the cause of 60% of the deaths among 25-29 years old in 2017. A generation before, in 2002, those two causes accounted for less than half of all deaths in the same age cohort.“

Written from a health insurance standpoint, the BCBS report takes an economic look at the health concerns of Americans, as the impacts of chronic disease in younger generations will take a huge toll on the US economy, with the projection of at least half of the work force in the next few decades having to take time off frequently or not be able to work at all because of chronic disease. The disturbing truth is that this will be the first generation in modern Western culture to have a lower mortality age than their parents. The health status of Americans is growing worse both in the younger and the aging populations, and relies on serious interventions like pharmaceutical drug use and surgery, often multiple, to maintain the ability to function and to just endure life itself.

You don’t have to be a scientist to recognize that advances in technology have created a more sedentary society, the lack of physical activity, the easy accessibility of fast foods and processed foods, and the continuing trends towards personal isolation are all factors that lead to chronic disease outcomes. Gaming and other online activities have become substitutes for realtime social interaction for many of the younger generations; thus, hyperactivity and depression have become the normal emotional state for an alarming number of our youth and the Millennial generation. In addition, the modern Western diet has negatively affected the health outcomes of Americans, with many people relying on health damaging processed foods, high calorie restaurant fare, and artificially sweetened beverages and snacks to satiate their appetites while using alcohol and pharmaceutical drugs just to cope with life.

Lifestyle Matters

Choices matter when it comes to improving lifestyle, emotional well being, and overall health. What we eat, how we move our bodies every day, and social and economic status all affect our well being and have huge implications on our physical and mental health outcomes at every age. Parents of young children have the burden of making the right choices, not just the easy ones, to ensure their offspring grow into healthy, happy, and productive members of society. The concern is that parents of our youngest citizens are the “at risk” Millennial generation, the ones expected to die earlier than their parents because of chronic diseases. If people aren’t ready to make big changes for themselves and how they raise their children then we cannot expect modernity to equate to improved longevity, it will in fact be the exact thing that leads to the failure of society to improve as technology advances.

White, D., & Wurm, M. A. (2019, September 19). Blue Cross Blue Shield | The Health of America | The Economic Consequences of Millennial Health 3 / 32. Retrieved from https://www.bcbs.com/sites/default/files/file-attachments/health-of-america-report/HOA-Moodys-Millennial-10-30.pdf 

This article by Kat Severi was originally published as a monthly column piece for Vernonia’ s Voice, a small town newspaper located in Vernonia, Oregon

Waking To Beginner's Mind

We all have had those incredible experiences; watching the sun rise majestically over a mountaintop or ease into an luminescent ocean horizon, we have all been witness to the breathtaking colorplay of light and dark and the magnificence of star studded skies. These experiences remind us how insignificant we truly are in the larger aspect of creation, they are humbling and allow us a moment to come out of our self importance and into greater connectivity with our universe. These experiences give us a unique sense of awe that draws us out of our busy mind and the mundanity of our everyday life and into the present moment, even if just for a fleeting moment. It doesn’t matter how many beautiful sunsets we see, each one is unique, and if we allow, it can be as if we are “seeing” a sunset for the first time. That is the Zen concept of a Beginner’s Mind in a nutshell, the ability to experience a sunset with true joy as long as we don’t compare it to the one we viewed last week.

Incomparable experiences make lasting memories and those are what drive us to seek more, unique experiences, whether it is to book yet another tropical vacation, to plan a weekend trip to the coast, or even just to reserve a table at our favorite restaurant for an evening. When those events have passed though, we are then relegated to return to our “regular” life and all of its sameness, as if our daily life can not exist as an awe inspiring event. What if it can though?

Traditional yoga cultivates a meditative practice, withdrawing from the story telling mind, decompressing the stress within the physical body, and conscious breathing; each inhale and each exhale, performed with intention. True yoga invites us to settle into a deeper connection with the Self, that which lies deep inside as energy and to observe the external influences of our lives without attachment or significant emotional response.

By comparison, the mind is a series of neural firings and programed responses based on past experiences, inherently overriding the deeper part of our Self in order to keep us “safe”. At the most primal level the mind exists to provide judgement of each life experience so that our human form can survive our current circumstances. The problem begins when the mind doesn’t allow for the dawning of each new day to be fresh, new, and sacred. You see, we often default to the mind as the interpreter of our life experiences, and “it” is always comparing new events to ones that have already passed, which doesn’t allow for our being in awe in “this” moment as it exists in its uniqueness. Our mind is on constant replay and it tells stories based on the process of rewind, replay, rewind, replay as if we can be defined in this moment by what already happened in the last moment, or even a moment 10 years ago.

As a yoga teacher and health counselor I hear many life stories, I listen to how people define themselves and their bodies, using the retrieval of past memories as the example by which they live their current lives. I often hear statements such as “I always do…”, “I never do…”, “I can’t do…”, “I’m always too…”, etc, etc, etc… Believe me, I do this too, every day I define myself by what has happened in my past, but then my yoga mind stops my primitive mind from elaborating on the “story”, and I question whether the story I’m telling myself can be rewritten, reinvented, and reimagined. I’ve never allowed any other person to tell me what I have to be, so why would I allow my mind to hold me in the parameters of what I have already experienced? Instead, I have begun to allow and invite new experiences to push me into a greater expansion of who I am. That is my practice of yoga, and to be more exact I will say that is my process of developing a meditative mind.

Meditation invites us to withdraw from the primal mind and to give way to a greater experience of life, allowing each moment to be revealed as if they (the moments) were fresh and new experiences. When we allow this process to take over the usual mindset we begin to come into the exciting newness of life, every single day, as if it were a gift to be opened. Yes! Each day can be viewed as a treasure, to experience dawn as a beautiful opportunity to embrace life while in full awareness, regardless of the circumstances.

To be clear, this is a daily practice, and when done every day it develops muscle memory, if you can compare the mind to a muscle. If we continue the practice of living each day with “mindful” intention we can override basic survival primal mind, we can become less attached to the comparing, judging, story telling voice. We become less reactive to the mind chatter and so we can decrease the emotional responses which are the culprits of stress in both mind and body. When we begin to just observe the mind and all of its retrieval of past experiences as is it were a movie on replay, we can come into the pleasant emotional state of “now”, unencumbered by the emotions old memories might once have stirred up. Now is the only moment which truly matters and can be savored even during the normality of daily routines.

When we choose to relinquish the mind to a mechanism for ideas, inspiration, and creativity rather than judgement, self deprecation, and critique, we can begin to settle into the awareness of the present moment and then to notice all that is genuine, beautiful, and sacred in our every day life. When we are present with our life our relationships improve, our moods begin to become more balanced, we develop a greater sense of what our bodies need to build health and vitality. When we bring our mind back to the “now” we are more likely to be inspired by the simple things and less likely to keep turning to our electronic devices, substances, or even food for stimulation. Coming into presence in our life allows us to become more intimately involved with ourselves, and to be comfortable with that intimacy.

Balancing Turmoil, Cultivating Harmony

Can life be full of unavoidable hardship but also be abundant with the richness of excitement, pleasure, abundance, and peace of mind? Yes. Life can be whatever you choose it to be and anyone who lives in a practice of gratitude and presence will attest to this truth. As humans we can always be assured that there will be suffering but mitigating emotional distress is the practice that yoga encompasses at its center. Balance in mind, heart and body create harmonious lives. Often we forget that outward appearances are far less concerning than what is being cultivated inside. In the West we have been brainwashed to believe that what we see on the surface is the most important feature of being a respectable person. We are told that our worth is measured by monetary value, our strength is gauged by how we can endure physical and emotional hardship, and that our success is measured by how much material wealth we can accumulate. To compete for the most wealth is a distorted American tradition. If we truly live by these values the only thing we are ensuring is our own utter misery and the continued breakdown of society.

The truth is that contentment in life equates to being satisfied with just being and in being connected. To use an often misused cliche´, the present moment, right here and now, is the only moment that matters. Presence means being aware of this moment and choosing to live in it rather than be distracted or distressed by moments past or moments in the unknown future. It’s so simple and yet an elusive concept to most.

I, me, mine. I hesitate to personalize that which is presence but it is also true that my experience of this moment is unique to me and not to your experience of this moment. In the West we are groomed to be selfish, to assume that our experience of life is the most important one and that everyone around us should live up to our expectations of what should be. The fixation on social media is all too common among both younger and older generations, the interplay between false reality and ego identification creates division. Unfortunately social media hype has invaded every part of the globe so that cultures that historically where community based, where individual identity was less important than the whole of the society, social media has flipped that focus 180 degrees so that “selfies” have become the most popular highlights of a daily “feed”. We are all , globally, so focused on the “I”, the outward appearance of “me”, that we have deflated the importance of the web of connected energies and our place within those connections . It doesn’t take much investigation to clearly see the fractures in families, neighborhoods, cities, states and countries. We’re told to observe our fellow citizens suspiciously so that we can be alert and ready to accuse and condemn others for their perceived differences. This mentality of “me vs. you” has long been cultivated in our Western society, a systemic building up of walls between the “I” and the greater good of the community. The truth is we are never safer as isolated individuals. A strong community is one that is integrally connected, in unity.

The term “yoga” equates to union. Union of the individual with the entirety of the whole universe. We are made up of exactly the same matter as the universe and the more we identify with unified energy, the more we can let go of ego identified “me-ness”. The lightening up of the mind, the dissolution of the “I” ego and the unification of energy with all that exists around us. As we let go of individuality, as in our fixation on“me, mine, and my” the less suffering we have to endure and the more healing and support we can create amongst our neighbors, our family units, and our weaving together of friends.

People who volunteer selflessly understand the power of unifying with those that are distinctly different than themselves as a catalyst for sustained, positive change. They commit to the sense of us-ness and unity rather than the isolation of “me and you” and realize the benefits of offering selfless support to others as a key component of inner joy and contentment.

Practical ways of building community include;

• putting the phone down and leaving the house for common daily activities

• joining in grassroots volunteer efforts

• connecting with neighbors to offer basic connection and support

• creating communal events to build relationships

• making eye contact with strangers and acquaintances, smiling with your eyes while speaking with authentic kindness

• offering assistance to those in need, without requirement of reciprocity

At Shakti Studio Kat uses intimacy building as a core standard for clients to build connectivity in community. As each of us finds our place within our world, no matter how large a web or how small, being uniquely integrated within the sphere of community enhances the richness of life, builds self confidence, and cultivates love for each other, and for our Selves. Love expands outward and changes us, love changes the people around us, and love creates lasting shifts in consciousness. Using the heart rather than the mind to bring a more unified society to the forefront of our current situation is just the beginning of transformation of the global community to one of harmony.

Bravery is Bad Ass

A lifetime of challenges has allowed me to fully realize fearlessness. To clarify, fearlessness is in regard to what my mind creates, as opposed to the acute fear of facing imminent physical danger such as a hungry lion chasing me down. Fearlessness equates to bravery and there’s really nothing complex about stepping into one’s own courage. Cultivating courage takes discipline, trust, and the development of self confidence. To be confident is to feel you are able to protect yourself and also to accept that danger is always at your door, no matter if it is real threat to your physical body or just the illusion of threat to your security, financial or otherwise.

I realize bravery may not be easily accessed by many people and if you aren’t used to moving your body in vigorous ways every day those qualities of strength, courage, and self confidence may not even be accessible through the imagination. You see, courage is supported by the physiological processes of the body, stimulated by building physical strength, and also dependent upon the mindful inhalation and exhalation of the breath. Courage is allowing the mind’s imagination to take a rest while the awareness returns to the present moment.

You may think of courage as the ability to face any situation with logic and calculated response, and even if the flight mechanism of the central nervous system is triggered, brave people will stand strong and choose to face their foes and fight rather than run away in fear. If you are the one fleeing, you will also be the one eaten by the lion. You are prey.

Most people who have known me for any considerable length of time will attest to my strength, both emotional and physical. Yes, I’ve been referred to as. “bad ass” many times but I will admit that those qualities were not inherent to me, and as a child I was often paralyzed with existential fears of eternity and timeless space. My mother was also fearful, often warning her 4 children of all the potential dangers the world had to offer us daily and she repeatedly advised ways we could avoid those potential and illusory dangers with quick wit and defensive action.

I never knew stability when I was a child. With an unsettled mother always searching for the “perfect” place to live, I experienced moving from house to house and from town to town each year of my adolescence. This experience threw me into a repetitive cycle of fear from the uncertainty of what the day ahead would bring. I was forced to enter new schools each year and leave behind what had become familiar, many times without explanation of when or why we were moving again.

Being the fourth and final child of my divorced parents I was often left on my own, developing independence at a very early age. By nature I was quiet and introverted and felt much more comfortable in the presence of animals than I was in the company of people. Despite this introversion my need for human connection was not easily realized as it drove me out of my comfort zone again and again throughout my youth. I longed for long term relationships but lacked the stability or permanence in which to build them. Thankfully, I had a sister 2 years older than myself, and she became integral to my personal growth, providing me with a sense of protection and connection as I developed into a teen.

Woven throughout the circumstances of our familial transiency were many gems of life experience. I was born in Southern California, with white sand beaches and scattered clumps of tar that would stick to my feet, crystal blue cresting waves always on the horizon, and endless days of warm sea air. From infancy I was brought up by two Latina women, my nannies, whom my mother trusted to take charge of me until the age of about 5. Those women gave me 100% of their love which made all the difference in my child’s mind of unstable family structure, divorce, and uncertainty; however, I was often found wandering along the beaches, venturing into tourist shops alone, and eventually would end up in the local police precinct, waiting for my mother to come claim me.

The gypsy life (as my mother referred to it) began when she decided to relocate the family to the cooler climates of Northern California, which was where my educational years began. By necessity I became more concerned with how to ”fit” into each new school environment than learning how to calculate mathematical equations. I spent a lot of time alone reading, drawing, and playing with horses and tadpoles. I learned to be comfortable in silence, I found refuge in my own company, and I began to master the art of identifying which children my age would accept me as a new friend.

My mother remarried when I was 7 and I loved my stepfather dearly. It seemed like we were becoming a more settled family until a few years later, when marital waters became turbulent, and my mother decided to take my sister and I to live in Mexico for a spell. It was a sudden decision, as all her moves were, and we didn’t have the advantage of mental or emotional preparation for the relocation.

Living in central Mexico as a 10 year old allowed me to observe the cultural and economic differences between rich and poor, a wake up call for my young western mind. As my sister and I navigated our new environment we were faced with the multi sensory impact of third world poverty, beggars on the sidewalk, the smell of open sewage flowing through streets, and many of the rural homes which appeared more like sheds than houses. I now recognize this time in my life as one of the most exciting and adventurous of my younger years. Each day was a new possibility, an opportunity to explore, to travel by bus into the countryside so that I could ride horses, and to begin to live in each moment with the unknown always at my side.

Our stay in Mexico was cut short by a break in the relationship between my mother and stepfather. We had to quickly fly back to the States only to discover our family was no longer united. Essentially, one day my sister and I had a father, the next day we didn’t, and were never able to make contact with him again. Devastation and resiliency became the name of the game.

We continued our cycle of relocation, now even further up the coast to the Redwood forests. I had no choice but to root down, find a tribe, and hold on tight as I entered my pubescent years of turmoil. I was blessed with the authentic connections that I formed in the coastal towns of rural Northern California, I developed relationships that to this day provide me with a sense of belonging, even as the rest of my adolescence continued to be uncertain and unstable.

At age 11 we made another move, this time to Hawaii, where I developed self-defense in the wake of the inherent prejudice of native Hawaiian children who bullied me in the classroom as we learned about Captain Cook and the annihilation of indigenous Hawaiian culture. My refuge was the ocean, even as I was being pounded by the relentless waves in the clear, tropical waters I continued to swim, day after day, nurturing my self in the solitude of aloneness.

When I was 12 we moved back to the mainland, back to the Northern California coast, where I continued to establish what would prove to be deep and life long friendships. It was when I turned 14 years old that I finally left my mother, her boyfriend dramas, and the gypsy lifestyle she was committed to. While my intention was to establish stability in my father’s Santa Monica home, I was also successful at creating a life of independence in the city of angels.

Los Angeles was a proving ground for me to grow up fast. I experimented with psychedelic drugs, various parties, spent some time hanging with gangsters, and established many varied impermanent, friendships. Thankfully, I shared an interest with my father in physical activity and spent many days cycling along the beach front bike paths to release my teenage angst while building endurance. I also developed a love for running up and down stairs, brushing elbows with celebrities also on the run.

After high school I quickly moved back to my Northern California community, met my future husband, and settled into homesteader life. Country living was an escape into hard work, raising livestock, experiencing new life and sudden death of many of our animals. When I was 20 years of age I went from being saddled with chronic anxiety of the “unknown” (everything is unknown) to actively dissolving irrational thoughts and coming into calmness and peace of mind. In essence, the greatest gift of my early adult years was learning to meditate and to breathe properly. It was this in this time that I also began gardening for food, a challenging love which to this day remains at the forefront of my lifestyle. At 23 my husband and I decided to start our own family and had 2 babies, raising them along side my sister and her children and the numerous other friends I grew up with. We had community to help raise our families, we all had each other to rely on.

I became more extroverted as I matured into motherhood. I was always an artist and developed entrepreneurial business adventures, managed employees, and struggled to establish retail stability in small town America. I had decided to forgo public education for my daughters and homeschooled them instead; choosing to raise them in the retail business environment and allowing them to develop real life skills while offering them the forest as their classroom. My decision wasn’t very popular among the other mom’s who had been playgroup friends but I didn’t need validation for my decision to keep my kids free from the status quo. Individualism was always in my blood, even as I sought other connections in community.

I became vocal in the anti war movement, standing up against the Bush invasion of Iraq through public protests, through educational endeavors to teach our community how to become more sustainable in their lives and to rely less on imported foreign oil. I also became an outspoken whistleblower for the health of our coastal town, drawing attention to a corporate entity that had been polluting the air and poisoning the citizens for generations. I faced many fears of retribution by some locals bent on intimidating my young female self but I also became a point person for those who had been suffering with chronic illness due to toxic exposure. My sense of justice was what created the drive to overcome fear, to allow discomfort, and to risk the stability I had so long desired as a child. I gained courage through necessity of standing my ground for what I felt was obvious and just.

Eventually the circumstances of my life allowed expansion of my career to include studies of natural medicine, and I conquered my long held fear of flying by traveling to India to gain clinical experience with my teacher. On that expedition I traveled extensively with my teenage daughters and niece, knowing that the more we experienced in the rural Indian countryside and throughout many of the cities, that I would be increasing my own bravery while establishing a foundation of adventurousness in my girls.

Overcoming the illusion of fright in the potential travails of travel, was the single most significant thing I did to reduce my own fear of the unknown. I turned 40 years old in India and began to give up control of outcomes and instead invite the “unknown” as opportunity for excitement in my life.

One international trip turned in to another, and then another, until I was back in India again and this time alone. The beauty of conquering fear, of building courage, is that it becomes an addiction. I began to look for challenges to overcome, because with each proverbial mountain I climbed, the more strength, independence, and resilience I built. Being strong means being self confident, and self confidence leads to inspiration and the manifestation of dreams. Dreams are not realized easily if one is afraid.

In 2016 I navigated the dissolution of what was a 24 year long functional marriage. I moved from California to Oregon, and then experienced the abrupt death of my sister just a few months after my transplantation. Both experiences in their own way allowed me to become more in touch with my dharma as a healer and a spiritual teacher. When my sister died I realized that all fear stems from a fear of mortality. Let go of the fear of death and the apprehension of mortality disappears.

As a newly single woman in Portland, stepping into her power in a reinvented life, I quickly became entangled in a dysfunctional romantic relationship. In retrospect I think because my sister had just been killed I was attracted to the idea of companionship, as if it offered some consolation to my grief. It didn’t. I resisted my own entrapment in a relationship that I knew was wrong for me as I struggled to maintain my integrity in the face of narcissism. I learned more about my inherent strengths through the evaluation of my greatest insecurities. I spent those years scrutinizing all my defense systems and then began dismantling them one by one as a necessary way to come fully into my life as a yogi and into my truth as a self reflective human. I began to release self judgement, embrace non-attachment as a lifestyle and as I unpeeled the layers of my own ego the romance dissolved into the ether of insignificance.

It’s been 6 years since my divorce and my sister’s death. My personal transformation didn’t change the extent to which I love my ex-husband, in fact I believe that our love for each other has grown better in a different way. My sister’s spirit is always by my side and she has led me down paths I never would have traveled had she not passed into other realms. My children are grown now and still are as connected to me as they ever were and my extended and immediate family and closest friends are on my list of favorite people to spend time with.

My friends call me a badass even though my life seems pretty simple. I cycle many miles a day, continuously challenging myself to complete at least 60-100 miles each week as the weather allows, and then walking and sprinting when the weather is too wet to safely ride my bike. My personal integrity is maintained by my yoga practice while my mind is kept in check with intentionally choosing positive thinking rather than falling prey to pessimism or negative judgements.

My latest adventure came at a time of great isolation, it was in this past dark time of winter that by necessity I released my expectations of manifesting a romantic partner to my life. It was only after, but immediately after that release, that I finally attracted the relationship of my dreams with a man who encompasses all the values I have for so long desired to share with another person. And while he and I are most definitely soul mates from lifetimes past, I still maintain my independence and personal drive to create the life I know I am meant to live and it is full of excitement of future adventures, both with my partner and also alone.

Strength and resilience building have become my daily discipline, not only with physical activity and nurturing my body, but also in the quiet stillness of peace in meditation and in my breath. Strength also comes in connectivity with others. Stepping outside the comfort zone of individuality and into the absolute joy of unity with others. It is true that together we are stronger and its only fear which drives us apart.

Each day is alive with potential and each night is enlivened by dreams of journeys into the unknown. The ”unknown” for me today is the excitement that each new morning brings. “Unknown” means anything can happen, even those experiences that I feel uncertain about, even those in which I sense the possibility of danger. With every unfolding moment I am overcome with gratitude and presence, for that is all that I can rely on to be truly aware of this existence for all that it is in this moment and all that may happen in the next.

How Kat Severi Became an Overnight Sensation on Social Media

Think about your attention. How do you spend your attention in a day, in a week, month, year? How much of your awareness is directed in observing other people’s lives? Consider if you took your awareness, your attention, and began redirecting it to your own life and your experience in the now.

If you’re a social media user I invite you to begin to contemplate the amount of your life that you are using to “follow” others. Social media is designed to entice users to “follow” rather than to “lead”. Is it worth it? Are you getting your attention’s worth? How valuable is your experience of this life and are you willing to sacrifice the experience of your own life so that you can observe and judge someone else’s? Ask yourself if your life were to come to a sudden end tomorrow, or perhaps later today, would you have lived fully or did postpone living your fullest life potential while you were scrolling through media feeds?

Meta, or what used to be known as Facebook (and Instagram), Twitter, TikTok, and Reddit are creating generations of unconscious “users”. Motivated by consumerism and data acquisition, the giant social media monstrosities are taking over our minds, health, and wallets, while wreaking havoc on the emotional stability of the citizens of the world and luring users into creating false realities, illusions of hate, and facades of perfection. They lock people in the prison of addictive scrolling behavior, and you’re allowing them facilitate you life experience. Media is holding you and millions of other humans hostage.

Social media is a major source of suffering in the emotional health in a majority of its users. Most attributable to ego, comparing lifestyle, status, beauty, while facilitating hatred and fear in the many millions of social media posts, thread, video’s and what can only be described as “entertainment”. Using Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, yes dating apps, and the thousands of other apps is counter to being aware of ones present existence, ultimately the user is “fed” other’s, often false, interpretation of life.

I decided to leave the social media game back in 2020 after an assignment in a university meditation course. You could say that the week I was challenged to completely unplug from all devices was addictive for me. Deleting Facebook, Instagram and even personal messages from my life for 7 days proved to be transformative for me. I relished in the complete attention to what I was doing moment to moment in my day and not being compelled to look at my phone or check my email, resisting the desire to scroll through an Instagram feed was truly liberating, like inspiring a breath pf fresh air after having been asphyxiated for a while.

The frequent call to action (scrolling and swiping) is rewiring brain circuits, causing firing between neurons too frequently to be sustainable. Dopamine is an addictive neuromudulator and we all seek to trigger its release in one way or another, whether from a good workout or a shot of methamphetamine (highest NT release), but it has a limit to which it can continue to spark your inner vitality. Each high eventually has a drop below baseline, the higher the release the lower the drop which leads to depression and loss of vital force energy. At least that’s how I understand it with my modest scientific education, my yogic studies, and my own cardiovascular training. I am a self confessed dopamine addict but I choose to trigger the physiology in real life rather than from behind a screen.

As a yogi the dedication to my practice instilled an anti-ego campaign for myself. I became nauseated by the “egoist everything” on social media and the shallowness of much of what is being pumped out to the masses. I want to connect with people in person, in my life, through eye contact and communication. I’m tired of emoji expression of emotions, they’re giving people and easy out instead of heartfelt communication, and real words spelled out. Think about words as spell casting, how much magic can you make with an emoji?

Social media users are losing the ability to be unique. Real people are not an avatars or Twitter handles, they should just be authentic in themselves, they need to accept themselves as they are rather than an illusion of Be-ing someone else.

Words can be warm and cold, but expression can be translated easily if it truly comes from the heart. I humbly have to remind myself every day to just love and be kind in my words. I can forgive anyone at this point because I know that only love will allow me to thrive. If I generate love then I will be energized, it’s so simple and quite obvious when you think about it. Truly experiencing the emotion of love releases oxytocin, our happiness hormone. Love is sustainable.

My own story of social media sensationalism and how I became a “villain” over night is an interesting on, an eye opener for me, and for you.

Can I entice you to read more about it?

Concerned about a Social Media Feed about Me?

I’m going to begin by saying I have never given a bike tour of Portland’s homeless encampments and I have never offered “Slum Tours” on my website. The “idea” was something I posted on my neighborhood Nextdoor app that I deleted after 2 days. The idea died for me the day I deleted it although I still think people need to acknowledge and bear witness to the tent cities which right now exist on all our major bike routes, to open the eyes of the public to the fact that people are suffering and dying out there everyday.

My post on Nextdoor was screen shot and sent off to a creative Portland local who brought it to life on Twitter and ran with it, distorting all my intentions and making me out to be a villain and stating repeatedly that I was currently giving “slum tours” for profit. Twitter turned to TikTok, Instagram and then Reddit and the rest is history.

Please read on for the truth.

It was my intention to grab the attention of my neighbors on Nextdoor and it was also a follow up post to a long debate about homelessness in Portland after my kayak was stolen. My boat was eventually spotted by a Nextdoor user who saw it down by the Willamette River. I won’t go into too much detail but I essentially gave it to a homeless man living under a tarp. A lot of people thought it was great but many voices were upset and that I would let it go to a man who they perceived as a thief. A lot of derogatory language and misconceptions about people living outside were expressed via my kayak story post which concerned me.

Portland has a homeless catastrophe on its hands and as a cyclist covering 80-100 miles a week last year I was encountering huge tent cities, one after the other, every day. Riding through the communities of these people is very intimate (and potentially hazardous) on a bike, you see everything up close and personal. It occurred to me that if the public would see the brutal life of these people then maybe some change could begin. I fantasized about wealthy philanthropists and the possibility of taking Portland City Council and Ted Wheeler on a “tour”.

The city is constantly moving camps out of areas and disposing of the belongings of the people staying there. Where do the people go when swept out of areas? They live in insecurity and always starting over. They are always having to “get” more stuff, and so Portlanders think of them all as drug addicts and thieves. Things are dire in Portland and no real change is in site. I’ve seen a dead man on the sidewalk in the middle of the heatwave last summer which made me think of Portland as third world, as do many of the “encampments” all along the I205 bike path, marine drive, NE 33rd Ave, under every bridge, and deep into the woods. When you’re on a bike riding through the mess of tent cities everything is really raw and I ride through them at least 5 days a week.

The City of Portland is selling out to huge real estate developers, collecting property taxes on the ever escalating price of housing. Major corporations do business here, the state and city urging big business to call Portland home but scarcely funds the housing crisis, drug rehabilitation, social services, or education for low income residents. It was my intention to grab the attention of my neighbors on Nextdoor. I did but it wasn’t exactly the debate I was looking for so I deleted the post.

Most Portlanders just try to avoid looking at those people, close their eyes to the real issues, and hope they’ll be driven out of their neighborhoods while the churches and non profits foot most of the aid work.

The truth is I can’t give a bike tour in Portland without passing rows of tents along the various routes. I felt compelled to consider how I could expose the realities of the tents communities I ride by every day so that change could be made. I assure you my intentions were honorable. I work with the homeless and people in need in Portland and have since prior to Covid. I served lunches at Picnic in the Park and I currently volunteer with a church to provide services to street people in downtown Portland.

I used inflammatory language to get attention but I realize “slum” is offensive to Westerners and my reference to “slum tours” being part of my business was callous. I do regret saying I would take payment, or that I insinuated it would be for profit. I didn’t ever expect someone to take me up on a tent city tour, it was an idea that never came to fruition. People took it very literally and were upset so I quickly deleted the post, it was never an “ad".

Unfortunately before I could take it down someone screenshot it and then sent it to Twitter for distortion and then a bunch of people with questionable motives jumped on board to make it even more sensational.

I repeatedly told the person who create the Twitter sensation that I wasn’t offering the tours but he still continues to fuel and distort the story. He then went on to try to destroy my relationships with all my business associates and my landlord and ruin me financially. He even showed up in front of my house to intimidate me.

If you were shocked by what you saw on social media I am sorry. I think that there are people who want to “create” stories for their own excitement. Social media “creators” search for anything to use as entertainment, even if they leave the truth far behind.

I wouldn’t consider doing encampment tours but I do think that the situation needs more exposure and on a front lines level. I would love to do a documentary project to humanize people on the streets, allow them to share their stories so solutions can be found and implemented earlier, before they end up without a permanent home. I don’t know if it will happen, but something radical needs to be done.

Kat Severi

Ancient Teachings Guarantee Personal Freedom and Joy

Creating Joy Through a Mindfulness Practice

You don’t have to be religious or even spiritual to experience sustainable happiness every day. The spiritual practice of Buddhism offers us insight for experiencing profound contentment and peace in mind. Imagine living a joyful life regardless of what happens around you. Think of your mind as a blank canvas, waiting for a fresh image to be created every day. You choose the colors, the shapes, and how heavily or lightly to apply the paint. Do you choose bright and light, or dark and heavy?

Humans are conditioned to be defensive, we are programmed to react negatively to situations beyond our control. Our fears and our self consciousness influence how we think other people might perceive us which is usually defined by our own self judgement. These beliefs shape our minds and the quality of our lives. We personalize outside experiences, allowing them to affect our happiness and contentment in life! Is that logical?

Just to be clear I will reiterate-our minds are used to “guessing” what others think about us and our fears are influencing our ability to experience happiness. It’s all in your mind!

Humans have advanced scientifically and technologically over the past 200 hundred years, far beyond what anyone could have imagined, but emotionally we still operate with our innate “monkey mind” to direct our behavior. The obsession with self concern (ego) and unfounded fears shapes our behaviors in negative ways every single day.

Becoming a happier human

What does ancient Asian wisdom offer us that can shift the cyclical mind processes in order to facilitate life contentment, inner knowing, peace, and joy? It’s simply the discipline of mindfulness; becoming aware of the fallacy of the thinking mind.

The study of yogic and Buddhist teachings shaped my own daily mindfulness practice and the results are undeniable, In the past 6 years, with dedication and discipline, I have transformed my mind and totally enriched my experience of life. It’s been an incredible journey and challenging process for sure.

Mindfulness means…

…becoming aware. The chatter in our mind is not “us”, rather it is the result of neural firings in the memory centers of the brain which constantly retrieve information based on past experiences and for the defense of the ego. Even the future we “imagine” is shaped by our previous experiences (if we allow). Why be shaped by the past? Let yourself experience all of the infinite possibilities of the future.

…letting go of attachments. This means that we have a choice of how we perceive life experiences and the myriad people who we come in contact with. We can struggle to be in “control” of situations, defending ourselves and our property, or we can just “accept” the way things flow without becoming personally invested in the outcomes (even if it is personal). Outcomes do not define us and they also do not always need to influence our emotional state. Why let your emotions control you?

…non-judgement (period). We can release our expectations of what “should” be and know that when we are open to differences, without attachment to our own ideas of right and wrong, we allow our own personal growth and contentment. A life without the weight of judgement is a life of freedom and inner peace. Release self judgement, self criticism, and rigid “preferences”. True open mindedness is allowing new experiences, different people, challenging ideas, and original concepts to flow and help us grow.

…loving kindness. I’m going to admit that I used to roll my eyes at this one. “Loving Kindness” seems like a cliché, a “feel good” motto that isn’t necessarily realistic or logical. Actually it works. When we hone our skills in experiencing “loving kindness” we begin to dissolve less effective emotional responses to negative stimuli. Practicing true loving kindness (think of empathy) towards people who annoy us can be totally transformative. Yes, love and kindness, for others and for ourselves, invites expansion of the heart and a lightness of being.

…gratitude. It’s so simple and probably the most effective way to enjoy life more. Experiencing gratitude every day is as simple as acknowledging the gifts that bless our lives, even in the mundane. A stranger opens a door for you~gratitude. Taking time time for a cup of tea and a good book~gratitude. Noticing the vibrant colors of a fallen leaf in the autumn~gratitude. Noticing life happening all around you being grateful to be alive. Over and over again, every day.

….sitting still Sitting still is the practice of meditation. We must stop and sit to allow reflection and release. It’s not so much about “clearing the mind”, it’s more about consciously letting go of judgements and attachments while we cultivate pure awareness and loving kindness. It’s very difficult at first to sit still and do “nothing”, but then, with discipline and practice, it becomes the “go to” space for presence and generating a sense of joy. Before long both moving and stillness become addictive!

…moving rapidly. Actually I added the rapid movement part (not a Buddhist practice) because cardiovascular exercise influences our emotional states and leads to more happiness and joy. It’s been researched in depth by real scientists and time tested by me personally. By cycling , rapid walking or hiking, sometimes sprinting, every single day (mostly), I can personally attest to the all of benefits of getting my heart rate up and building, strength, resilience, and joy through exercise.

Putting them into practice

These practices are the basis of how I teach yoga and also the foundation for how I guide each of my clients on their journeys to optimal health and well being. It’s incredible to discover that even though we cannot control much of what happens in our lives we can control our emotional responses to most things while building emotional and physical strength, resilience, and balance.

Let me guide you into a daily practice while designing a life that equates to the best possible one you could create. In essence, you can be the best version of your Self, it just takes discipline and practice.

Out of Darkness~Into Shakti

Today the new moon is bathed in the eclipse of the sun. This beginning of December is the optimal time to step into your fullest energy potential! Your daily lifestyle choices can either stimulate or suppress the innate energy within, increasing or depleting your strength, mobility, and overall mental and physical health. Simply put, what you eat, when you move, how you think, and your ability to breathe are all shaping the quality of your life.

The ingredients are already there, just add intention!

Right now, in this moment

are you living your best life?

Kat at Shakti Studio can help you shift your thinking, doing, and breathing to stimulate your

• flexibility of mind

• mobility of the muscles and joints

• health of the organs and tissues

• enjoyment of life experiences

• empowerment for personal growth

begin the journey today

As a graduate from Portland State University’s School of Public Health I am well versed in the health challenges that millions of Americans experience. I study the latest research on risk factors and prevention of the most common chronic conditions including heart disease, diabetes, and cancer.

It is my intention to help transform lives of my clients through designing new, approachable methods of lifestyle modification for each individual person to take charge of their own health outcomes.

Self empowerment is key

Let me guide you through practices both in movement and in mind that will become a foundation for your happiness and contentment every day.

I can help you build a personalized yoga practice that will improve mobility of the joints and tone of your muscles.

Learn to take pleasure in your food choices while eating for optimal energy, healthy body composition, and maximum immune function.

Beginning where you are now we can design a fitness program which enhances your enjoyment of life as you build strength, resilience, and joy.

Implement small changes first and work up to achieve your ideal health and body composition goals.

Transformation begins immediately!

Creating Intentional Love Relationships & Eat More Chocolate

Booted by Cupid? My latest venture into the online dating world has been an insightful experience into the intricacies of human mating behavior. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, my desire to finally reveal the romantic intentions of men and women who engage in online dating was cut short by my profile being blocked from OK Cupid and Bumble. I’m assuming a disgruntled male reported me for conducting a survey rather than engaging in the dating game but I’m going to take it as a blessing that I was booted off. Energy is a precious resource these days and so I will shift my focus towards manifesting the relationship I desire by studying the methods by which couples relate to each other, not only while dating, but also beyond as casual relationships develop into more serious commitments. For those of you wondering, I have formally studied relationship dynamics and the best practices to implement for successful partnering. I will share all the resources for my studies at the end of this article.

Kat’s lessons from the past I am blessed in my life to have experienced a long term relationship of 24 years, and a pretty successful one by my own admission. My previous husband and I are still quite bonded although we‘ve now ventured forth on separate life paths. My marital journey leads me to believe that I have a pretty good understanding of how romantic relationships transform over a period of time, first falling in lust, then in love, and finally bonding into mutual respect that transcends the word love. These partnership stages develop as couples navigate the world of careers, possible child rearing (or these days pets), and life’s inevitable challenges, but not many marriages end with mutual respect. It was because we scaled the mountains of challenges and also experienced plenty of happy milestones together that my marriage did end respectfully and I am profoundly grateful for that. I am also cognizant of the fact that a partnership cannot end respectfully if respect did not exist within the union. My husband and I always maintained honesty and integrity as core values in our relationship and so we were able to part ways with deep love and continued connection even as the marital bond ended. True, loving connections lead to honorable, respectful unions based on mutual trust. Trust leads to harmony in relationships.

Healthy mind~ Healthy body As a health coach I cannot emphasize enough how nutritional intake, physical activity and stress management are key players in the game of love, love for ourselves and also for others. It is a rare thing to experience a healthy relationship with another person while being immersed in self loathing. If we are content with who we are at the deepest level, if we feel strong and confident in ourselves and our bodies, then we can engage in mutually respectful relations with others without reactions of defensiveness, shame, guilt, and fear. The physical body and its physiological processes are key ingredients to ready ourselves for happy human partnering. Hormone production is significant in mood, sexual virility, libido, and desire to connect. How we maintain our physical health drives the physiological hormone balance down to the cellular level. We need balance of these biological components to stay genuinely joyful in our lives and energetically vital in our bodies. Honor the body, Honor the Self.

Hormones or infatuation? My academic studies in human sexuality, health sciences, and relationship building, in addition to my personal journey of spirituality, afford me modest insight into how individuals operate when seeking romantic connections. Intimacy, both emotional and physical, is exciting but can also be a risky endeavor. When seeking new connections we all too often act impetuously with our inherent biological drive to reproduce rather than with levelheaded decision making. However, after the so called “honeymoon” period subsides we are left with our individual characters, our past experiences, and our expectations of each other, which inevitably creates the many conflicts so common in new relationships. So how do we maintain the passion of initial contact while building respect and honor as a casual romance develops into a deeper commitment of loving one another?

Guiding your ego out of the way As humans we are always poised to protect our ego, a response mechanism of the Self, which complicates communication if we tend to react rather than calmly respond to others. In addition, our identification with the past greatly influences how we operate when in a new intimate relationship. Previous experiences with partners, and modeling the behaviors of those who raised us can often create obstacles in our relationship endeavors. Sadly, many people never do recognize the need to modify their own behaviors, to release their identification with painful stories of the past, and so they continue the unhealthy relationship cycles over and over again. Letting go of the past, the comparisons, the pain, opens us to loving with trust rather than fear. If we can take a step back and view our relationship dynamics without judgement we can begin to realize how much influence our innate fear of vulnerability has on our willingness to connect with other humans.

To observe the conscious mind and to investigate our unconscious ego identification behaviors we can begin to navigate through preprogrammed reactions to outside stimulus (other people) and work to practice non-attachment in all relationships. Non-attachment means letting go of ownership and expectations which allows us to live more in Presence and Joy since we don’t expect someone else to make us joyful in our lives. We have to be courageous to be honest about our intentions and actions when faced with the challenges that every intimate relationship endures. It is then that we can begin to attract the kinds of people who see beneath the skin to the true nature of our character lying below and when they love our nature, true love emerges.

The dynamic play between intimate partners is often wrought will clumsy miscommunication, misguided offense, and other protective mechanisms (ego alert). How we decide to relate to others often means the difference between success and failure in relationships because it is with our emotional blockages that we significantly inhibit healthy partnering. We must pull down the armor to finally invite authentic love into our lives and when we’re finally ready to reveal our true nature to another, without fear of judgement and rejection, then a budding romance can bloom into a more profound connection. However if our partner does not love themselves then difficulty will be present because no matter how much we love we cannot make someone love themselves.

The truth is actually quite easy in concept, but much more difficult to implement if we are bound by fear of rejection and the pain that follows. When we’re brave enough to chip away at the walls we have built which seemingly protect us from feeling too much emotion then we can invite the most satisfying human connections into our lives. Pain identification only reinforces the walls we have built around our hearts, while vulnerability invites unconditional love and trust. The more courageous we are with our self reflection and communication, combined with our willingness to love more, will always open us to the possibility of inviting authentic connections into our lives.

Stay Tru Yes, Truth. First we must be true to ourselves, and then we must reveal that truth to our lover. Going beyond the initial attraction to recognize that we must reveal what lies beneath so that we can begin to experience the true potential of human connection without fear. If a romantic partner does not share the same moral and social values then the relationship will always be a challenge. Being courageous in our truth opens us to authentic love and also reveals when we must leave a relationship. We must trust our hearts and our intuition to know when to release those who do not support us, we can only change our circumstances we cannot change another person to fit our expectations. To choose the path of love and self respect means holding true to our core values. When we release energy that isn’t aligned with ours, we open ourselves to new energy. Intentionally setting our values in stone so that new relationships are grounded in integrity and honesty. Truth.

What does possibility look like? Set your intentions high and let your expectations go. That statement might seem contradictory but it’s not. We can manifest the unfolding of our lives, in fact we do every day. Every time we focus our mind on thoughts and beliefs we energetically create our reality. So whether it is negative or positive thinking, we are continuously influencing the direction of our lives. In the same regard, if we go forth expecting certain outcomes then we will most likely be met with disappointment. Rather than maintaining rigid ideas about what we want to happen to us, we can shape our thinking and wire our minds to develop kindness and loving thoughts instead of sardonic reactions and defensive responses to both people and events. This thinking with consciousness is the rudder that guides the boat.

Don’t compare please Comparing new connections with previous ones will only inhibit a fresh, unique experience from developing into its full potential. My new lover recently assured me of that and I believe.

Why Not Manifest Love?

I’m happy to report back on my own romantic journey this winter. In mid December I had made a plan to manifest the relationship I desired. I put my intentions and values in writing and then delivered the manifesto to the virtual world of single (and not) men in the form of my personal OK Cupid profile, intact with current images of myself and my true age of 47! Let me be clear in saying that I did not write anything about what I was looking for in a man, what I did for a living, or hobbies I enjoyed. My profile only stated who I was on my spiritual journey and described my moral, social, and relationship values. I made sure to be fearlessly vulnerable and fiercely truthful in what values I hold close. While I had many “likes” and even some valuable positive feedback from fellows regarding my honesty, I didn’t receive all that many genuine buyers. I will note that I had quite a few men who clearly had not bothered to read my profile at all, the guys who just look at women’s photos and proposition them with generic invitations of sex or romance, mostly just sex though.

There were a few serious takers though, and I met some decent men, but only one stood out for a couple of reasons. He persisted in pursuing when I was distracted and then when we finally met he quickly withdrew when he thought I was disinterested. Both of those actions told me one thing about his character, he loved himself enough to pursue me with courage, and he also loved himself enough to leave when he thought I wasn’t impressed. It took me 1 day to recognize that I wanted to get to know him better and it took 2 days until we were both sure the connection was true. After a couple of weeks we settled into a comfortable knowing of each other, knowing that we were on the right track anyway. That was 5 weeks ago and at this point our relations, communications, the vibes (vibrational frequency) are flowing very well, each day a little deeper connection, each day a little more Joy. Excited energies, chemistry and connection!…excuse me I’m flushed.

At this point in a new relationship it takes brave honesty, persistent, and authentic truth between this man and I. We plan to grow this relationship into a partnership that could last for…who knows? I hold no expectations, just my positive intentions and also my clear understanding of his. Right now I’m sensing that the universe has delivered me a blessing, and he says that he feels it too. Cool baby.

My Wish for You Have faith in your truth and trust that the Universe will deliver exactly what you need to expand. Please let go of expectations of how it will manifest, just know it will be good. Have faith.

Where does chocolate figure in all this? Well I do always eat a lot of very dark chocolate, 85% to be exact. So I wanted to share a study about chocolate and how it influences brain chemistry, releases important compounds which stimulate our own hormone production, which makes us feel like we’re in love. The darker the chocolate the stronger the love.

Cocoa Study: The neuroprotective effects of cocoa flavanol and its influence on cognitive performance

An adventurous spirit is a joyous soul.

Namaste~Kat

Suggested readings-These are just a few titles which have guided me through my own journey to deepen the love for my Self, which has led me to improve my intimate connections with my lover, my family and friends, and even casual acquaintances. Deepen your ability to connect and learn techniques for letting go of the past so you can manifest positive outcomes in your future. The world is your oyster and human connection is the key to opening it up!

The Power of Now- A Guide To Spiritual Enlightenment- Eckhart Tolle

Dare To Lead- Brené Brown

Beyond Mars and Venus-Relationship Skills for Today’s Complex World- John Gray

Creating Affluence- Wealth Consciousness in the Field of All Possibilities- Deepak Chopra

The Tao of Love and Sex-The Ancient Chinese Way to Ecstasy-Jolan Chang

The Obstacle is the Way—The Ancient Art of Turning Adversity into Advantage- Ryan Holiday

The Art and Science of Relationships -University of Toronto program-Free though Coursera

The Science of Well Being-Yale University program-Free though Coursera

Online Dating ~ A Study of Gender Differences in Profile and Communication

How do men think anyway?

I have often wondered about the thinking mind of the male human. As an adventurer in the world of online dating I’ve struggled with understanding male brain cognition, thought processes and emotional comprehension. While I can’t overly generalize about “all men” there definitely seems to be running themes for how men operate in the online dating world. To be totally truthful I will admit that I’m guilty of my own irrational female thought processes, after all I’m running estrogen and ego (oop!) in equal amounts which can be a volatile mix when emotions are on the line. Years ago I considered writing a memoir about my online dating experiences, there were some interesting interactions but I mostly wanted to endeavor to self reflect on my interactions with a variety of men and our mutual misunderstandings of each other.

I love to study the science behind human behavior, not only to form my Self into a more loving and kind human, but also so that I can help others understand why our brains works the way they do, and how each of us can change inherent behavior patterns by simply observing the mind as a non attached witness to the emotional charge behind thoughts. My passion is to help teach people that healthy living and mindfulness practices can shift the way think and ultimately influence how we interact with others and, of course, the better interactions we share with others the more enjoyable our lives will be.

Our hormones affect our experiences in our search for love, romance, sex, and partnering. Male and female dominant hormones are a huge influence on our dating choices, they influence how we communicate with and listen to others, and who we are attracted to even if we are not wanting to make babies.

My side of the story

In the past 4 years, since my divorce in 2016, I have been an occasional shopper for men via OK Cupid and Bumble. My fruitful attempts at meeting a man in person while out and about in Portland forced me to go online to see who was available for romance in the big city. I’m going to admit that my biological attraction to testosterone dominant males may be in direct conflict to my desire to connect with a kind, spiritual, and emotionally open man, as I think the hormones play a big role in mating behavior and emotional expression.

Needless to say I had plenty of suitors, sending me both casual and intimate messages with offers of romance, sex and even marriage. I went out on dates with a fair amount of males of all types and styles. Most dates usually ended in an awkward, “Let’s stay in touch” or the more subtle insinuation of “ Don’t call me, I’ll call you."

I eventually realized to my confusion that mis-information was a common thread moving through most of the profiles of the guys I was meeting up with. It turns out both men and women often lie about their physical appearance, age, height, job and marital status when creating their profiles. The men I talked with would complain that many women don’t represent themselves accurately, often posting photos that were taken years ago when they were younger and slimmer. I discovered the same with some of my dates. Many of the discrepancies I discovered were ridiculous and obvious. For someone who values honesty as a core value I would often became frustrated and delete my profile about 1-2 weeks in. That’s not to say these men aren’t good people, some are nice and some are strange, and I’m sure a few thought I was too bold or pretentious; however I come off, I always want people to know exactly who I am up front, no BS. As far as accuracy is concerned I don’t want a man to be surprised when a 47 year old woman walks into the bar instead of the 35 year old one in the profile photos. I want a date to recognize me when I meet him and be pleasantly surprised rather than have him offer a disappointed glance towards the nearest exit.

A Study of Intention

I had created a survey so that I can begin to unpack the contradictions between individual representation of dating profiles with the reality of how the actual individuals wish to be engaged in relationships, whether casual or long term. Unfortunately while attempting to collect participants for the study through my dating profiles I was reported and blocked by the applications. Darn it! We will have to continue to venture forth with our best intentions for romance in the dating world virtually and hopefully offline as well in the “real” world.

Accepting 2020 with Gratitude and Grace

The year has been turbulent for all of us to say the least. Thankfully for me there was no personal trauma, but rather a journey wrought with travails through emotional growth and happily, a challenging uphill climb to inner peace. I have no regrets and choose to look forward to each new moment while I apply the many lessons learned. Throughout the year I allowed for the knowledge gained to propel me into the next stages of my journey. I recognize that as long as I trust and acknowledge that life is not linear, it has ups, downs and many diversions from side to side, that I can see and accept the abundance of my life lessons as gifts, even the most difficult ones. I recognize that whatever happens in my life, the multitude of events and exchanges will eventually bring more significance and joy to my existence, as long as I remain awake, aware and tuned in.

Truth Matters

The truth is that it’s time to take responsibility for our own lives. Real transformation begins with intention. Not tomorrow January 1, 2021, how about right now we can set our intentions and begin to live the lives we desire.

It’s time to finally let go of fear, anger, resistance and blame. Those are our inner scapegoats and they direct energy away from our higher purpose, which is to exist in unconditional love and joy. The blame game shifts responsibility from our Selves, and takes away our personal power.

It’s time to begin to truly live a life of contentment, to experience every day as a manifestation of harmony. The responsibility lies within each of us.

Say the words, write them down.

“Right now I will…”

“…love myself more.”

“…forgive myself for not living my truth.

“…forgive others for my experience of pain.”

“…stop blaming others for my experience of pain.”

“…take responsibility for my own life outcomes.”

“…make the changes that I wish to see in my family, my neighborhood, and my community.”

“…support my body in the ways it needs to be healthy.”

“…begin to live my best life.”

Accept and Forgive

Gifts can come in the simplest of exchanges which, with time, can become profound. Don’t look away, look forward. Forgive yourself for not always acting in your truth and forgive others for not having the capacity to support you. When you begin to live in authenticity you will be met with either acceptance from those who love you, or resistance from those who do not. You can move on with your own positive life choices and leave the doubters behind to continue their own journey.

Stop the Cycles

Your mind is programmed to repeat the same disappointing stories you identify with and place blame on others for your negative emotional responses. This is Ego based survival mode and when you cultivate that behavior, you ensure the continued cycle of dysfunction in your life.

You have the ability to let go of repetitious cycles and instead reflect on your reactions to analyze the root cause of your emotional responses. It is in your emotional responses that you can identify the problem areas which need to change. Choose to modify your reactions, to be courageous and even painfully honest with yourself, as you increase your innermost awareness of your Ego.

It is not your role to convince anyone else of your personal growth, only hold yourself accountable through your transformation.

You can begin to focus on positive thinking and progressive outcomes to design your life as a beautiful manifestation of your most authentic Self. Ask for support from your family, friends and community. Allow yourself to be vulnerable with those who value you, including and most importantly, your own Self.

You are the embodiment of truth and love, believe it and it will be.

Energy Begets Energy

Energy is fuel. The physical energy we expend results in more energy cultivated, so when we move our bodies, we generate vitality, and when we remain sedentary we create stagnation. It is science, believe it.

Our emotional energy can attract more joy, pleasure and rewarding personal connections as we allow ourselves to open and expand. In contrast, when we are contracted and closed, energy sits and festers which creates irritability, anxiety, fear, discomfort, and depression. This results in our own creation of emotional dis-ease which has the ability to change our physiology on a cellular level, and can ultimately result in physical disease in the body and mental dis-ease in the mind.

Trust the One Truth

The Universe is a mystery and has the powerful ability to direct energy in synchronistic and congruent ways. As higher thinking human beings we can utilize the events that unfold before us to direct our lives and to accept those circumstances without resistance. We can easily invite gratitude, optimism and trust into each moment if we let go of the fear of vulnerability. Small choices make big changes in the way we direct our thoughts. Turn it around and reflect on your ability to choose how you perceive your world. Always remember that your reality is your own, and others (for sure) are having a different experience based on their own challenges, behaviors and thought processes.

Expansion leads to Ascension-Open your heart if you wish to rise above!

So how do we transform discomfort into empowerment?

Sit with your Self, examine the discomfort and allow it to surface as meaning. Where does the source of resistance come from? Ask the hard questions, don’t bury that which causes you pain. When we cover a wound before it has healed it becomes an infection. The only way to truly resolve a wound is to allow it to breath, expose it to the light and allow the natural processes to repair it, begin from the inside and work your way out.

We can apply that metaphor to how we heal on a physiological level as well. We know that our immune systems are strengthened by Vitamin D, which comes to us through our skin being exposed to sunlight. Expose yourself to the light and you will begin to heal and strengthen, to take control of your emotional and physical well being.

Discover the endless possibilities through personal growth. Freedom to choose joy lies within each of us and we can use our own courage to extend empathy and kindness to others. Remember that with the conscious acceptance of all that lies ahead comes the ability to thoughtfully welcome each new day.

Kat’s Mantras for Empowerment

“Embody and Extend Loving Kindness.” (daily reminder)

“I choose to reflect on my own personal growth process and reveal emotional discomfort so that I can move on and heal my Self.”

“Speak truth, Be courageous.”

“Love with a whole heart, without fear.”

“Love who I am, make no apologies.”

“Be vulnerable, especially with those that judge me the harshest.”

“Don’t be afraid to release people from my life, with forgiveness, if they cannot accept who I truly am.”

“Don’t be afraid to ask questions or hold people accountable. It doesn’t matter if they like me or not.”

“I do not need validation from others to discover my own self worth.”

“In my heart I know who my allies and friends are, I honor and nurture those relationships.”

“Those who accept me will be there to support me in productive and positive ways.”

“If my ego is bruised, take heed, listen and learn from my deepest offenses.”

“Dis-identification from the ego is where I begin to heal and discover who I truly am.”

“I opt to take challenges because they bring excitement and meaning to my life."

“Take healthy risks, that is when I feel the most alive.”

“Climb the highest mountains and always take the long way home.”

From Trauma to Transcendence

It was a day that had been anticipated by so many, a night that would change my life forever. In the US and across the globe people were simultaneously anxious for and dreading November 8, 2016, wondering who would come out ahead in the presidential election. Would it be Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump? For so many people, maybe hundreds of thousands, probably millions, the sense of doom crashed down on them as poll results trickled in. Disbelief, despair, powerlessness and distress. How could it be that a corrupt business tycoon just became the 45th US President? Normally, I would have been among the crowds of despairing Americans, angry and dejected about the electoral college process which so many of us find unjust; however, the evening was not normal for me, rather my world was instantly turned upside down and I didn’t have the luxury of watching the election results roll in.

At 7 pm exactly, as I sat in my community college creative writing class, I got the call that no one ever wants to receive, but unfortunately so many of us do. I looked down at my vibrating phone to see my father’s number come up, as I simultaneously received a text from my sister’s former sister-in-law, asking me to call her as soon as possible. Two completely unrelated people, trying to reach me at exactly the same time was not a good sign. I knew, as my heart began pulsing with force against my chest, that I was in for some dreaded news. I excused myself from class and with an immense amount of anxiety I answered my father’s call. He told me, with what seemed cold, emotional control, that my sister had been killed in a car accident by a drunk driver at about noon that day. He said that the man had driven head on into her car and that she had been killed instantly. I later learned that detail was inaccurate, rather, her fragile body was slammed with so much force as to cause some yet unknown fatal injury in the thoracic cavity, but her breath was evident for the next few minutes as her car sat facing down on the creekside embankment.

With that same sudden force, the alarming outcome of the Trump victory set a shock upon our nation, a nation divided by fanaticism and righteous conservative values. As information came to our family about Raymondo Valero Meza, the man who hijacked my sister’s soul from her body, the details were revealed to the American people of the Electoral College stealing yet another US election. 

My father offered few words of comfort but rather instructed me to call the California Highway Patrol so that I could provide them with her personal information which they needed to process the accident report. I was frozen with the shock of trauma but had to get from campus to my home and so I drove that 6 miles without any recollection of operating my car.

My mother didn’t know what to do, and so asked me to give her some direction on how to proceed with this death and the grief that was about to overwhelm our family. As America learned that we would have to live with the reality of having a fascist, racist, ignorant, climate denying, sexual predator as our new president, our family learned that we would have to begin to navigate the reality of living the rest of our lives without ever seeing, speaking with, or hugging our Erika again. The haze of disbelief and grief began to blanketed the nation, and as a family we too were drowned, buried, choked under the weight of our own tragedy. 

My life was far from normal even before that November day in the year 2016. Just that past July I had uprooted myself from a 24 year marriage and moved from my home state of California to Portland, Oregon. I had left behind the sweet, honorable husband I had grown up with, several pets that I loved, and a dreamy home in the redwood forest. I had sent my youngest child off to college and stepped into a completely different life, moved to an apartment in the center of the city where I knew not a single soul. I had begun my journey to finally complete a university degree which I had desired for many years. 2016 was my year to venture towards the path of holistic healer and what I knew was my life’s purpose, my dharma. 

Even as I left the comfort and stability of my previous life, I fully embraced my new circumstances, welcomed a fresh beginning and looked forward to the richness of possibilities. The months before my sister’s death were filled with joy and personal growth. I finally committed to the daily yoga practice I had for so many years envisioned for myself. Yoga had become my roots and the balance I sought. I danced in the many Portland music venues every week, I commuted everywhere by foot, often walking briskly seven to ten miles a day through every kind of weather. I dated for the first time in 25 years, met friends who became treasures in my life and discovered the beauty of the Oregon wilderness. My life was a gift, so good and cherished in each moment, it was like cleaning the window of dirt and dust from my life and I was able to see through the glass clearly for the first time in years. 

I often reflect on the synchronicity of things, the changes and choices that I had made in the year before my sister’s death and how they were the foundation of my survival through the grief of it. After Erika died solo journeys became my refuge and I spent many a day in the woods alone, rain or shine, snow and sleet. Time on the trail was sacred and I often looked to the trees for serenity and comfort. I invested in memberships to three yoga studios and a climbing gym. I engaged in a variety of yoga classes which fueled my spirit and left me satisfied and spent. I felt connected to my sister’s spirit after a challenging hour of movement and breath, often silently sobbing my way through savasana as I lay among a room of strangers. While it may have seemed to others that my life was lonely, I cherished the time to sit with my emotions, burn candles, honor the spirit of Erika and then focus my intentions on the journey ahead.

Even more synchronistic was the discovery of a modest library of books on eastern spirituality and yoga which my sister left to me in the wake of her unexpected death. Erika was not a yoga practitioner by any means, but she was a spiritual seeker. The literature she left behind carved pathways for my own spiritual development and the eventual completion of my yoga teacher training in 2019.

My determination, my spiritual practice and the movement of my body was where I found inspiration through the mundanity of work, challenging college classes and many evenings spent alone. I became profoundly aware that my grief sat embedded within the larger sense of gratitude for my life. Gratitude transmuted to true joy which I experienced  in every particle of my being. I often reflected on the thought that I should feel guilt or shame for experiencing joy while I navigated the sense of loss, but I also knew that I would have to surrender to the joy in order to get through the all encompassing pain.  

What I have learned since that excruciating day in November is that here are no predictable outcomes in life or in politics. Trauma can intercept at any moment and catch us off guard. These days I don’t despair of the dark, and as long as I am living in truth, maintaining discipline, practicing meditation, engaging in movement and keeping an open heart, I recognize that it is just as likely that inspiration and possibilities that may be waiting around the corner. In fact, with the power of my optimism and intention it is more likely that my future holds adventure, love, positivity and connection. I am always aware of the glowing light on the horizon, it may be dim at times, but it is visible to me every day as I move towards it.

For many months after my sister’s passing I didn’t want to lose the strength of my emotions because they were a reminder of her existence. The saying goes “only time can heal” and now I know that is true. More often these days I remember my sister’s laugh, the feeling of her peachskin soft cheek as I kissed it the last time I said goodbye while she slept. And so now I ride the waves of my emotions without attachment or resistance and what was once despair became sadness, then acceptance, and now peace which keeps her close to my heart.

Four years later our nation has defeated a tyrant. Now, it is my hope that we can move forward as a united country, to utilize the hard lessons learned to create lasting changes and recommit to the world our responsibility to halt climate change and implement social justice on every level. We must do it together, as a community, as a global family, I feel certain there is no other way.

Four years later I have completed my degree, launched a holistic health coaching business and utilize my yoga teachings as a tool for personal growth and also to offer the knowledge I’ve gained as a gift to the community. Through my growth process I allow myself to experience every emotion, acknowledge, move and breathe through each, and then let them pass without regret, guilt or shame. I commit myself to loving who I am, exactly as I am, in this moment, and it is through this process that I am able to grow and flourish no matter what lies ahead. I can feel joy and comfort knowing that I will always be there at full attention, in my awareness, in my love, in the radiance of the light that exists all around me.